Today’s article was not supposed to be about how good my halfling Fastest-Fists-In-the-West Monk is at soloing the Eveningstar challenges. It was not. It was supposed to be about the Cursed Blade of Jack Jibbers which I recently acquired in Three Barrel Cove.
Except I needed a picture of my character using it. And you can’t use it unless you are dead, meaning I needed my character to die somewhere that is decently well lit for screenshot purposes.
“Ah hah”, thinks I, clever screenshotter that I am, “the Eveningstar challeges are perfect!” Well-lit and full of death just waiting to happen.
Except no. My monk, Oriental Adventures, seems to have had other plans.
The first attempt was the Druid challenge The Great Tree. Since I was playing it only to die, there were no buffs. No hireling. Just a monk ready to employ Jack Jibber’s Blade at the first sign of his soulstone.
But the bad guys are ignoring me. I have to hit them to get their attention. And when I hit them, they die.
Quickly. Fists of death indeed. Am I in below level? Something is wrong.
No, I am actually in the challenge at a higher level (CR24) than my character (level 22). I am certain that, as a soloist with not even a hireling, dungeon scaling is working in my favor; there are less bad guys than there would be facing a larger party, and each of the bad guys is less stalwart. But still. Oriental is cutting them down like a riding mower going through tall weeds.
Oriental’s build is supposed to punch as fast as possible, but also, to punch even faster as he accumulates kills; Killer and Fatal Harrier both increase punch speed as long as a new kill occurs every 15 seconds.
It is the perfect storm of punching. Oriental is at his best facing large numbers of lighter enemies, and that is exactly what these challenges keep throwing at him.
- Just standing there does not work: the enemies ignore Oriental
- Just fighting, without healing or anything, does not work either: the enemies die without doing any damage
Suddenly and unexpectedly it is over. Challenge complete, not just a victory but a five-star victory! Perfect. And still, accidental, no healing was used, no Fists of Light self-healing, no buffs of any sort, nothing but punches. Lots of punches, but still, punches only.
Well, I guess I could try again. Maybe the other Druid challenge? Defenseless? That one is harder. Except no, several minutes later I have nearly the same result. A two-star victory and a very-much-still-alive monk.
Perhaps one of the werewolf challenges? Only one, the Sunset Ritual, occurs during the day, the other will be too dark for screenshots.
But it is more of the same. Oriental simply refuses to cooperate with my killing-him-for-screenshots plan, instead wiping out everything, even red names, while taking only negligible damage (if any at all). As fast as the bad guys appear, they are dispatched, and all without even grazing my character. Who is, just as a reminder, entirely unbuffed and un-hirelinged and un-selfhealed and is playing in a reckless fashion that is designed to result in suicide.
About halfway through the third challenge, I give up on the whole Jack Jibber’s Blade thing (like I had a choice) and start rooting for Oriental to win again. Come on Oriental, you can do it!
And he does. A four-star victory. How remarkable!
I did end up with screenshots, but they are screenshots of victory. Not of death. Victory!
It is not that Oriental is a super character who is so well-built that he is un-killable. Quite the contrary, he died just last night in the Battle for Eveningstar on Epic Hard. No, it is these challenges, they are the perfect match for Oriental’s build. Perfect.
Jack Jibbers will have to wait for another day. Today we salute Oriental Adventures, undefeated master of challenges, who went a perfect 3-0 completely without the support of his own player.
🙂 😀 🙂