Needham Heights, MA (Reuters) With the release of Update 16, Turbine, Inc. has made everything about Dungeons & Dragons Online perfect in every way.
Turbine (a division of Warner Brothers Entertainment) spent several months preparing this new update and expected a positive reception. “We knew we had a winner”, said Fernando Paiz, Executive Producer of the game, talking about Update 16, “but we didn’t know it would be perfect down to the smallest particular”.
Shortly after players began entering the newly-perfected “world” of the game, Dungeons & Dragons Online (or “DDO”, as experts in the game prefer to call it) it became clear that the game had been purged of all bugs and defects as well as any frictions caused by differing playstyles amongst the diverse player community.
“We’ve been monitoring the game forums and social media”, continued Paiz, “Clearly, the new release is everything that every DDO player always wanted it to be.”
Even more unexpectedly, the perfect state attained by the game has proven a cleansing balm to the internet in general. Comments have become relevant and erudite; humor abounds and is genuinely funny; sarcasm wanes. Entire websites dedicated to the spread of “snark” and “trolling” have gone dark.
“Who knew that the perfect game would fill such a void?” pondered Fernando, “If we’d known, maybe we could have made Update 5 perfect last year and saved everyone all that nastiness in the last election cycle”.
Since the release of the Update yesterday, news of the game’s perfection spread. Red states and blue states set aside their differences, vowing to work together to become “DDO” states. Central American narco-terrorists turned themselves in, asking only to have DDO available in their cells. China and Japan agreed to settle their territorial disputes with a round of Capture the Flag in DDO’s Menechtarun Desert.
Paiz was interrupted by Senior Community Specialist Amanda Grow: “His Holiness is holding for you. Still.” Paiz is confused, “Didn’t we talk to him already?” “No, that was the other Pope. This one’s Eastern.”
Paiz apologized as he excused himself from the interview “I hate to cut this short, but I promised the Israelis and Iranians I’d help them getting their joint Permadeath guild set up. They wanted to call it ‘Coexist’ but it seems that name is already taken on their server.”