Oct 112013

Tale of the Cube

Only two feat this side of Khyber, a small, delusionary warren of thorns, shards, brambles and Starbucks Venti-bold with room for cream awaits your inattention. The visitors, for there are no prisoners here but the resident himself, are invited to relax and resist the urge to sort it all out. Better to simply float, ego last, into the strange and fractured Realm that is the Draagon Fragments from Eberrons Past.

Don’t give up! Better to take comfort with the knowledge that there are those among you who actually read the NPC windows. It’s true and sometimes they even slow down in anticipation of a favourite bit of the DM’s dialogue. I know you don’t believe me but I want to assure you that this is Truth. Even these people, armed with NPC repartee and DM’s dialogue cannot be expected to sort out every truth, lie or Cannith fabrication in every fragment of every segment on a once-through. The project was never meant to be anything less. Remember that time and repetition is the healer of all things. …….is the healer of some things. …….is the healer of ….something. Ok, fine it once healed something that for some reason I can’t find a link to. Lets assume that if you don’t understand what I’m talking about then it’s probably my fault for failing to use the right tools correctly. <—-That is a Draagon Fragment, it’s life cut short. I will now apologize for my failings. Sorry. Can we move on? Good, lets go!

A pair of Giths, one a Zee and one a whY, materialize. As though on cue the flames throughout the chamber withdraw. Did you forget that you were but two feat this side of Khyber? A common mistake. Please feel free to repeat the mistake as many times as you like for I have plenty of space, in fact I have pages and pages in my Backpack of Education for the soul-stones of many, many, ….many adventurers. Lets try this again!

A pair of Giths materialize, slower this time and they don’t seem at all pleased to see that you’re up and about so soon. As though on cue the flames throughout the chamber withdraw to a low but steady flicker.

Here and There
But never where you Stare
Greens and Blues do Mock Destruction
Debasing reds and orange

These Gith, these servant-spies, so strangely similar in their differences, so oddly different in their similarities step forward to claim the curtains. For a moment we share the hope that they may fight! Woe but no. One Draags stage right. One Draags stage left. They each retreat to the shadows offstage and as the curtains part, our story is revealed.

Russian Prints Productions Presents: Draagon Fragments from Eberrons Past

The Tale of the Gelatinous Cube is my …..eleventh? segment for DdoCast. Yikes! What follows will be your cheat-sheet for the day of it’s airing sometime October 2013? 😉

We begin near verbatim:
The Tale of the Gelatinous Cube, not to be confused with The Tail of the Gelatinous Cube, the bawdy, bodiless murder mystery dinner theatre(it’s a mouthful), has long been a favourite of the Bait H’oven household.

Before we go too far, I suppose a little background work is in order. Right off the top I can think of at least seven regional or racial variations on the Tale of the Gelatinous Cube. The most popular revolve around the futile efforts of a trio or blade* of men attempting to win the favor of a woman. Sometimes a queen, sometimes a maiden, a demon or a hag, she is, even when the roles of male and female are intentionally reversed, a Diva!

At approx. 3:05 of the segment:
Bear and Miss T begin a Gilberty o’ Sullivanish rendition of the story to placate some of the more hoity-toity elvish families in the audience. We have returned to the Benefit Concert held for the children of the Saltire District whose parents, siblings, hair tuslers and cheek pinchers were Taken. See episode 282 of Ddocast to hear one of the other songs played for the children. Meet a Warforged named Sled and his brother Tobbogan(rhymes with Sahuagin). Yes it does. Just ask Sig. Sig? Sig? Geoff? Help!

At approx. 5:45 of the segment:
We transition hard and fast to a snipet of material from Little Gabby’s first and last appearance** on the Ed Soulomades show. If you have been listening to Ddocast, episode 282’s Draagon Fragment you should/could/might be aware that Little Gabby is a very colourful character, literally!, belonging to Sig Trent. BTW: Luedwig is still hard at work reconstructing the data stream created by countless scraps of parchment, songs of Cyr, Librams and codex, torn pages and drow heads. It might be nice to complete the count down. What count down you ask? Well, let me ask you this: What do you get when you poke a Gelatinous Cube with a ten-foot pole? Yes, an angry Cube but what else? Yes, a suspended account but c’mon what else? That’s right, a nine-foot pole! What happens if we poke the cube again? Listen to the segment 🙂 Trust me…listen to the segment and imagine a horde of ten thousand screaming female fans(and yes,a few male fans to be sure) of all races and ages rushing and laying waste to the stage when Gabby gets down to his one-foot pole. Ooooh yeah, think Jim Morrison.

I pretend, just in time, to remember something that I almost forgot. Whew!

Finally, we gracefully exit the segment with a final look to the closing words of yet another successful performance of: The Tail of the Gelatinous Cube. The Bawdy, Bodiless Murder Mystery Dinner Theatre currently playing at the Pheonix Tavern. Fadeout. The cube now eats the audience as Malicia, played by Miss T flirts with George T’taken.

Voila! There you have it. Three separate projects based on the same subject wrapped into one, you guessed it, Draagon Fragment from Eberrons Past

Goodnight everybody. Seeya-pod next time.

*Blade: Eberron slang for six. Often associated with alterior motives, deception……

** years have past since we met “Little Gabby” and “Little Gabby” is no longer quite so little anymore! More than one broadcaster has been heard to wonder aloud: “Where does he get those infernal voices……? “;-)

Ps. there are in fact three Star Trek references in this episode. Good luck 🙂

What do you think?

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