Apr 092013

Devon + Jennifer = Marriage
Devon and Jennifer are a bit Lego-crazy

It started out as a simple question: how do we want to light the bonfire at my son Devon’s wedding?

I generally light a bonfire with lots of gasoline, although one has to be a bit careful not to be leaning over the fire while lighting it.

This is something my eldest son learned a few years ago while in the process of flash-burning all of the hairs off of the front of his body and searing his face and arms in a painful “lesson” about the power of combining fire and gasoline.

But I digress. This is not about the time my son exploded himself, although that is a very funny story. This is about the time my son got married.


So there we were, a group of us, looking at the artfully-built bonfire-to-be in my backyard. A very nicely piled bonfire, very tall, lots of wood, and thank you to my neighbor Bill for his bonfire building assistance.

What is an appropriately dramatic way to light such a beauty? Brainstorming ensues. Devon – my eldest son and the Man of the Hour – wanted roman candles but we are three hours drive and one state line away from the nearest vendor capable of selling us anything like that.

“Wouldn’t it be cool to throw a flaming spear?” Jay, my younger son, just sort of puts this out there, and we all immediately know it is perfect. Details are quickly hashed out: we’ll need a spear. The groom will have to be the one to throw it.

Throughout the day, I note the younger son experimenting with a variety of spear-making materials, eventually settling on bamboo which grows natively across the street from my house. But bamboo by itself would be entirely too plain. After all this is not just any flaming spear, it will be a wedding flaming spear. The Flaming Spear of Groom.

Hours later, it emerges, thickly wrapped in silver gift paper, trailing lovely red fletching made from leftover decorative Christmas ribbons, and featuring a spearhead of flammable wadding wrapped in duct tape.

Jay and his girlfriend Bre have ensured that no one has had – or ever will have – a more festive and fancy Flaming Spear of Groom.

They make a stand too, the Spear of Groom is on proud display, a promise of awesome to be fulfilled later that night.

Then there is a wedding, and suddenly I have a new daughter. Smart and funny, lovely and graceful, completely in love with Devon. My son has perfect taste and even better luck: my family is immediately upgraded by her addition.

Traditional wedding stuff follows. Photos, bouquets, garters, reception. Toasts. Good times. But then it is dark, music is playing, dinner is eaten, drinks are served: time for the bonfire.

If the video doesn’t seem to be working right, refresh the page

Thank you to Devon’s slightly drunken friend Dave for having the presence of mind to record the event and the manners to send me a copy. I hope the video is aligned properly for you. Sometimes youtube is showing it in the correct portrait mode, other times in a weird sideways landscape mode. Sigh.

Note around 0:53 when you can hear my newly-married son (Sergeant Squishy to his friends, for reasons that I don’t have time to explain here) urging people to get back from the fire. He sounds serious doesn’t he?

Once one has exploded oneself, one is wary of doing it a second time. I really will have to tell that story sometime.

🙂 😀 🙂


  4 Responses to “Sergeant Squishy and the Flaming Spear of Groom”

Comments (4)
  1. Nice. And ‘gratz! All the “Jennifers” I’ve even known have been “smart, funny, lovely, and graceful”, even though one did break my heart (but that is a tale for…never? Hehehe).

  2. Congrats to you, your son, and your new daughter!

    Love the Lego cake-topper. Although I would’ve pushed going Viking with a flaming arrow (assuming anybody knows any archery. Flaming spears are probably safer if not…) and made the bonfire a symbolic pyre of Devon’s single life *g*

  3. Congratz! Everyone! +1 for the lego wedding topper and the bonfire lighting!

  4. Yay for weddings!

    Now uh… How bout you tell us those stories. Please? 😀

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