Apr 032014

Tuesday was April Fools Day, and Turbine did not disappoint, creating an entire forum dedicated to bacon* with eight sub-forums like “Bacon in DDO” and “Bacon Screenshots and Videos”, and my personal favorite, “Bacon Fan Fiction”.

* Kudos to Order of Syncletica for getting that screenshot. I missed the opportunity entirely!

Turbine dev KookieKobold contributed a gem of a baconish fanfic story, “The Adventures of Detective Panchetta“. I loved it, I was hoping there would be more, but alas, the bacon forum was only up for 24 hours.

All of the threads from the pseudo-forum have been retained, moved into the off-topic section of the regular forums, nothing went away, not even Detective Panchetta.

These kinds of things always inspire me to join in. Always. In the spirit of Detective Panchetta, my own short-form bacon-ey DDO fanfic:

Hocks the Barbarian

Hocks the Barbarian“There’s the girl”, I said, pointing, “at least I think that’s her.” Details were tough to see at this distance.

“Is she trussed up yet?” I look again. Hard to tell, maybe, they’ve definitely dressed her up in something fancy, and brightly yellow. Saffron? Sea salt?

“They’ll be sacrificing her soon” says Hocks, pulling a leather cord out of his belt pouch and using it to bind his dark, unruly mane into a high ponytail. “We’re out of time.”

The drums are still going, of course they are, dozens or hundreds of them, pounding out a never-ending frenzy that echoes back off the valley walls and makes thinking difficult. But the dancers have stopped, and the fire is lit. It smells like applewood. Maybe Hocks is right.

“I thought we were waiting for the right opportunity.” But Hocks isn’t really listening, he’s stretching, massive sinews coiling across broad shoulders like snakes on a boulder. “I thought we were gonna make up a plan.”

“New plan,” he says simply, picking up his two-headed broadaxe, checking the leather grips and giving it a few warm-up swings.

“Wait here,” He adds, like there was any chance I’d be following him, and then he goes; calmly walking towards the village as if it wasn’t full of opiate-fueled cannibals.

  6 Responses to “Hocks the Barbarian”

Comments (6)
  1. MMmmmmmmmmm,,, Applewooood…..

  2. I don’t know what’s going on, but I’m hungry…

  3. I like the terrain!! πŸ™‚

What do you think?

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