May 172016

Portly Paladin

My Gamer Girl doesn’t have a lot of experience playing paladins. Druids, sure, rogues, clerics, that sort of thing, but not paladins. Most of her characters have been pure class builds; not even a splash of something else.

But her gnome eldritch knight required some Pally to be properly tank-worthy. Not much, just a splash, and so off she goes, in search of a Paladin trainer, maybe for the first time ever. The rest of the group has scattered, leveling up or banking or vending or whatever.

Suddenly: “HE can’t be a paladin! Look at him!” amidst an explosion of laughter.

Apparently my Gamer Girl has a mental picture of what a paladin ought to look like and whomever she has found doesn’t fit the bill.

Portly Paladin

Click the image to see our portly friend in (perfectly animated) action!


Her laughter is contagious, and we are soon all in the marketplace, ogling the pally trainer and making rather insensitive jokes at his expense.

He is rather … round … for a stalwart defender of the faith. “Perhaps”, I opine, “he is an administrative paladin. You know, the one who shuffles the paperwork while everyone else goes off to war?”

One can only imagine.


Rotund warrior
Stalwartly defends meal time
Paperwork pally


Hey, I’m not one to judge. And if there’s anyone who would be well-served by stalwartly defending a few less doughnuts, it’s me.

But still.

What do you think?

πŸ™‚ πŸ˜€ πŸ™‚

  8 Responses to “He Can’t Be A Paladin!”

Comments (8)
  1. He reminds me of the fat knight from Psychonauts πŸ™‚

    And actually, being fat like that wasn’t as big a hindrance to a warrior back in the day – the horse would do most of the running, and the fat itself provides a big ol layer of padding to protect vital organs from incidental slashings, stabbings, and shock absorbtion vs. bludgeoning damage πŸ™‚

  2. Pink was in years laughing at it all. Good fun. Good fun.

  3. at character creation we should be able to choose different body types too, including ‘rotund.’ Low body fat index vs diabetic obesity is soooo 20th century

  4. Henry the 8th, tas a larger build I would love to have more portly characters and maybe some doors that only a mouse or Gnome would get through for a bit more fun. Some of the trainers really don’t meet expectation but that’s the fun of the game

  5. The Original Doorstop Paladin.

  6. It’s like a goalie in hockey right you want rotund to block more attacks sent towards friends

  7. he just is ‘throwing his weight around’

  8. Back in the day (at least 4 centuries ago), obesity was considered attractive, as it meant the person could afford or obtain lots of food. Today, that same quality is attractive in most animals. Especially penguins. Except they don’t find food. They can just go longer without it.

What do you think?

%d bloggers like this: