Feb 262014
I Kilt him.

I Kilt him.

“I never wanted this. Swear that you will do as I ask should you send me to my final rest…”

The previous picture has only one thing in common with today’s post. All three Gimptastic Elastics came out Gingers with names beginning in S. Snap, what a mess! How does that happen? Family picture some day. Please refer to my January 10 2014 post if you are unfamiliar with what Gimptastics are all about.

Setup for today’s post: A halfling, and then a dwarf and then the human (granted she’s hot with legs to the top of my head but you know the type; “I am THE human not A human”) walk into the bar…….

Session I:   A halfling, a dwarf and a human, each independent and completely unaware of the others, wash up on the shore of a little island. A ring is inserted into each of their noses and strings attached to their limbs. Once everything is in place the puppets are coddled through their first Linear Line of Passive Aggression to the mouth of The Grotto. With no other recourse available but to return to the Wash-Up Beach they each proceed forward on the finger of Talbron Tew’s indication and enter The Grotto where they fall face first into their second Linear Line of Passive Aggression. Remember that for each person; the Halfling, the dwarf and the human, this series of events happened independently of the others. But we know that by speaking to Sigmund in the Wavecrest Tavern and cross-referencing their arrival times and claims of being the lone survivor of some imaginary unscheduled ship that the Halfling; Spacial O’range was the first to sit down to a lovely bowl of complementary pea soup.

The second bowl of complementary pea soup was served, on the spoon of rising-suspicion, to a dwarf. The human arrived minutes after the dwarf and the third bowl of lovely pea soup was set upon the bar. She shared a look with the proprietor, not quite understanding why she was to pay for all three bowls of soup. But fully understanding that by agreeing to pay for the pea soups she could negate the digging of three fresh graves in the already over-crowded cemetery back yonder. The lady named Serielye reluctantly and with a sigh, counted out the necessary coins; “Praise-be to the Silverflame and the bounty of a box well-broken.”

Huddled around a table reserved for all suspected scam-artists the dwarf, the halfling and the human agreed to combine their resources and to sort out the chilly issue of a white dragon making fluffy white snow upon the land.  No, really! For such a dire situation as the Island of Korthos is now experiencing the new arrivals find the village and surrounding lands to be in fact, quite calming. A gentle breeze, big lazy snowflakes and little to no accumulation all help to set the stage for what is sure to be a worry-free excursion of yawning proportions.

We have all heard-of or lived the experience a dozen times or thirty so I will dispense with the expected quest by quest step-throughs. Let me confess that I was the first and only one to die in session one. It happened at the end of a Low Road and Stopping the Sahuagin. We were unable to open the shrine. The mobs were forced to spawn on a failed sneak and mayhem ensued. With not a one of us claiming so much as 20 hp I took a crit and at 3 hp dived back into the water pipe. No way to heal up(all random drops on heal pots long expended) and things getting desperate up top I re-entered the fray to become an extra target, turn a mob or two. Fill space, expand time; Epic sacrifice at level 2. It’s amazing how well cries of “Coward!” carry down a tube filled with water. Let me counter with a little known(ha) fact that water-ladders can be extremely stubborn about not letting people linger near their upper domain whilst they engage in battle. 😉

To summarize: The journey to level-4 (here I include the results of our second session as addressed below) has been all too brief. We began on the snowy side of Korthos and ran our elites up to Miserys Peak. I believe we may have rinsed the village for a Hard(seriously?) cycle and then ranged out to the wilderness for a once-around. With level-3 clawing for release and our evening sprint drawing to a close we shrugged(apologies to the meta-sensitive) to give unanimous agreement on the contentious issue of the Illithid’s frosty execution. We decided to grant the Mind-flayer a temporary reprieve from it’s chilly fate and return to finish the job next time. Or next time. Or maybe the following time. For now, it was sleepy-time for the dwarf named Sidwiggles.

Session II: We arrived in the harbor and ran three quests with available optionals on elite and hard-repeat. Voila! Level-4. Three near totally gimped-out first-life characters experienced a combined total of three deaths on their journey to level-4. Each death brought much rejoicing and prancing about at the victem’s expense. Three sparks of fickle fun on an otherwise sleep induced coma. Be careful; play it too casual or lazy and one learns that kobold shamen are none too happy about the years of nerfing. I’ve tried to talk to them about it, to say it’s not the heroes fault but the eyes just go blank and glossy when I mention things like D E Vs or F2P or scales or squeaky wheels.

Shamen prance in a casting dance for
Three little heroes in a tube now
Lightning singing; “Line up newb.”

Shamen prance in a casting dance for
Two little heroes in a tube now
Lightning singing; “Line up newb.”

Shamen prance in a casting dance for
One little hero and
An empty tube; run away runaway
Noob newb newb!

A little dark I admit but I have always enjoyed the harbor’s potential and had hoped that by running it on our gimps a la mode it might “push back” or perhaps rail against it’s fate and scream through wild eyes and glistening lips; “…this line and no further!”. But unfortunately even without ship buffs, use of the auction house and purchasing not a single pot in passage the harbor didn’t even try to break it’s toy ship. We flumphed our way through Durk’s Got a Secret, Information is Key and Walk the Butcher’s Path. Including our time on Korthos we have run only eleven quests, earned 99 Favor and edged our way into level four. There are challenges in the shadows of this group’s future but they do not await in Flumph-Town. After years of dumbing down, the harbor has only it’s stories left. I will continue to return on every life, run every quest at level or below but only for the stories and the memories. Oh, and to drive my guild-mates bananas for;

The monsters are gutted,
“Their weapons are drawn” with children’s crayons, and
Dungeons are coated in Safety Sync-sand.

On the issues of new players, auctions and the cash strapped characters I want to state that the Greater and Lesser essences both sell for 200pp or 3 for 500pp very quickly. After our second session which was a fairly lazy stint of less than an hour, I have a tidy personal worth of just nearly 6000pp.  If you are a regular listener of DDOCocktail Hour then you already know that tiny batches of reasonably priced essences are a much sought-after commodity of the PPDs. That’s Pretty-Perma Deathers. 😉 As to my small fortune you will be pleased to hear that I haven’t spent so much as a copper yet, not even to repair. I suspect it might be a good idea to look in on that for next session. Perhaps invest in a few cure-serious, lesser-restoration, poison, curse and disease pots while I am at it. To be honest; I don’t want to! Not until we begin to experience: The Wipe.

Remember: Each and every level is determined by the d3 roll of a fellow gimp.

Spacial O’range: Male Halfling. Wizard 2, Monk 1, Sorcerer 1
Sidwiggles: Male Dwarf. Wizard 2, Favored-Soul 1, Sorcerer 1
Serielye: Female Human. Bard 1, Ranger 2, Wizard 1

Thank you for dropping in.
Luedwig Bait H’oven
Thelanis 2006

  One Response to “Gimpstatic Sessions II & III”

Comments (1)
  1. So it is no longer possible to make a character that will fail to dominate the harbor. I had to reroll my first character several times before she was well-built enough to qualify for the Marketplace!

    Oy, back in the day we to trudge through the Goodblade quests uphill both ways!

What do you think?

%d bloggers like this: