You know what’s annoying? Having hirelings that are supposed to heal you but instead insist on doing anything – anything! – other than healing you.
You know what’s even more annoying? Having a hireling that won’t even heal you but constantly stands in lava, or in a trap, complaining that they themselves need healing. While remaining smack in the middle of said lava, or trap.
A special form of annoying: my Gamer Girl’s hirelings are seemingly always more willing to heal me, than they are to heal her. “Come on you stupid hireling, heal me!” I will hear, meanwhile noting that I just got a lovely Heal from someone. Many times it has been faster for me to throw a cure on her myself than it is for her hireling to eventually get around to it.
Hirelings are actually rather clever in that they were implemented well after the game had launched, an afterthought, designed to fill in specific roles.
And they work, after a fashion, allowing people to play solo who prefer that style, and making it easier to run with groups that aren’t thoroughly filled. Some of the hirelings are better than others (Panther > Owlbear), and some roles are better filled by a hireling than others (hireling arcane caster = always a bad idea) but nonetheless, hirelings have a purpose and they fill it.
Not bad for a late addition that was patched in to solve unexpected social gameplay issue. Overall, hirelings have been a success. More or less.
As a barbarian, Knicker is particularly reliant on her healer
But my favorite of all, the single most annoying hireling incident in the history of annoying hireling incidents occurs while Erytheia is “helping” my Gamer Girl and I get through the Haunted Halls.
Some quests are harder on the hirelings than others, and the Haunted Halls of Eveningstar may well be the hardest. Especially the electrified statues. They appear to be irresistible. MUST HIT THAT STATUE. Over and over. Ignoring the fact that doing so causes damage, MUST HIT THAT STATUE.
I choose to bring Erytheia with us on this version of the quest and she is, of course, convinced that her best option is to find the nearest electrified statue and beat on it. In fairness, all of the minions and hirelings feel that way; my steel dog, my Gamer Girl’s wolf, the owlbear, all the minions. MUST HIT THAT STATUE.
But the dogs and bears aren’t supposed to heal us, Erytheia is. Nonetheless, ignoring button clicks (and of course, shouted instructions) she continues beating the statue. Until it explodes and kills us all.
The opposite of healing us. She killed us.
A raise cake or two later and we are again functioning, and the enemy is defeated. Time to raise Erytheia too. But it is not enough that we have to invest raise cakes to win. It is not enough that we have to use our resources to heal Erytheia. It is not enough. We also get lip. From Erytheia.
“Let’s try to avoid that next time” she says, and I can only picture the curled lip and sneering eyes.
Yes, let’s. Let’s try to avoid you running over to the electrified statue and beating on it till you kill us all. Let’s try to avoid that.
My Gamer Girl has taken to summoning her healer hireling and then leaving them in the first room. Not a healer at all, more of a party-wipe insurance policy. Maybe that’s the answer. At least for the Haunted Halls. Not a healer at all. Just a raise waiting to happen, cheaper than a raise cake. Hmmm.
I think she’s on to something.
🙂 😀 🙂